I Should Have Known
by kinomoto touya
Summary: This is the story of orphaned twelve year old Sakura who's idol is Hong Kong's pop sensation, Li Xiao Lang. A modified and mordernized version of Sleeping Beauty! A simple, magical story which tackles how could fairytales still exists up to now. SS! RnR!
1. Prologue: The Early Spring

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**I Should Have Known**  
**by:** Kinomoto Touya  
  
**Rating:** G - General Patronage **  
Disclaimer:** Sakura, Kaho, Tomoyo, Xiao Lang and the rest of the CCS gang is copyrighted by CLAMP. This is just a fanwork made by a fan for fans.  
**Author's Notes:** Um...after I woke up one day, my mind then played. I decided to write a story about a modified at the same time modernized version of Sleeping Beauty, you know, our favorite fairy tale. This is a multi-chaptered story. Approximately, five chapters long (might be longer though ^^ ). Hehehe...that is all. Wait...! The setting of this story is in Tokyo, but I never been in that place nor know anything about the places in it. So sorry if I 'invented' some places here. Hehehe...this is fiction anyway! 

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_"Cherry blossoms are always there watching time.   
Passing by and endless coming and going.   
Cherry blossoms are always there watching sadness   
and happiness happening at this moment.   
Cherry blossom and bring back our memory.   
Again, flower petals show up to remind people   
spring is coming. "_

_---Kyoichi, Boys Be..._

**Prologue: Early Spring**

_I do not know what is the real meaning of the word 'eternity'. They said it is the period of time wherein cannot be measured. It is infinite. But then again, who wanted to live forever if one is alone? I want to live even in the shortest moment of 'eternity' if the person I love most loved me back. Even for a very short moment, as long as he loves me, I believe I had already lived a thousand 'eternities'._

"Argh...!" I said dropping my pen and stretching my hands up high. "What else would I put here?! I-I can't think of practically any good idea!!!"

Kinomoto Sakura, that is my name. I am twelve years old, and my blood type is A. I live with my guardian, Mizuki Kaho in a small but comfortable apartment in Tokyo. I never met my parents and Kaho-oneesan never told anything about them except that they died in a car accident shortly after I was born. Kaho-oneesan is indeed a very wonderful woman, I give the highest respect for her. That is why I feel I am in a family though I never met my family. Kaho-oneesan is my only yet entire family.

The spring is almost here. The coldness of winter is slowly morphing unto spring. Yes, spring---my birthday is coming. A year older, a year wiser, as they all say. Hehehe...I guess, I matured a little saying these things. Just a little though. As they have said, I am still naive. Or somewhat like that.

Whatever.

"Sakura-chan!"

Oh, that was Tomoyo-chan. She is my best-est best friend. I am older than her by months yet she acts so mature...so lady-like. She too never lacks out with these---creativity! I am sure, she is dead without it. I mean, I do not know anyone else in the world giving me very cute outfits designed and sewed by him or her alone. Plus she is super good in baking and decorating cakes of all kinds. I love it best when it is Christmas. She bakes and decorates her best cakes at that period of time.

"Oi, Tomoyo-chan!" I exclaimed. "I didn't notice you coming."

"Actually," Kaho-oneesan appeared beside my bedroom's door. "I keep on calling your name, Sakura-chan, but you aren't responding. You are again so...absent-minded."

I sighed. She must be right, I haven't heard anyone calling out my name.

Kaho-oneesan chuckled a little. "Well, I hope you enjoy yourself here, Tomoyo-chan. As usual, make yourself very much at home."

Tomoyo smiled. "Of course, I will. I am actually at home whenever I am in this house. Thank you very much, Kaho-san."

With that, she gave Tomoyo a little smile and off she went.

To tell you the truth, Kaho-oneesan never talks much. Very unlike me.

"What brings you here, Tomoyo-chan?" I asked with glee.

"Well guess what," she said with a great glow of energy. "I have...this!"

She pulled out two tickets of... _oh my God_!

"Two tickets for the young, ultimate Hong Kong pop idol, Li Xiao Lang!" she continued with a even bigger smile, I almost thought that half of her face would break, as she pushed those green tickets almost to my face. "I know how crazy you are with this Li guy. That is why I bought some tickets for us to watch him together!"

I just sat down on my chair, helpessly. My cheeks were burning and my jaw dropped down the ground.

"H-how...did...you..." I stammered. I really cannot talk properly anymore.

"I told my mom to buy it in exchange for better grades," Tomoyo smiled. "For this school year. After all, I must really concentrate, somehow. We are already in junior high, you know..."

"Oh," I was dumfounded. "B-But...Li Xiao Lang isn't your idol. I-I mean...you could ask her something you really want."

She beamed. "Why, Sakura-chan...it your birthday would be next week. This is my birthday gift for you. This is what I REALLY wanted."

"Tomoyo-chan," I placed my hands on my chest. "You do not really have too."

"But thank you, Tomoyo-chan..."

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Okay, so the concert would be on the thirty-first of March...right before my birthday! Oh yes, thirty-first of March would be on Friday. And guess what day is today?

Today is Wednesday!

Which means, tomorrow, Thursday, would be the only day wherein I must do all the necessary preparations. You know, for Li Xiao Lang's concert on Friday and my small birthday party on Saturday. My party won't be big---i'd invite a small number of friends that is close to my heart.

Anyway, you might ask...who is Li Xiao Lang right? He is a Hong Kong pop sensation at his very young age. It is his very first time in Japan. Well to put it simply Li Xiao Lang is my idol... I mean he is not just my idol but he is my crush as well. I mean, I am so totally unto him! He is indeed a performer, his voice rocks! Did I mention he is just ssssssooooooooooooooo cute! The innocence of his face is really something, which I cannot explain. Whenever I could see him, a voice inside keeps on telling me that he is the one---my perfect guy. I told this once to Tomoyo but she said I was probably infatuated with him or something. I do not know...she is probably right. But I am sure of one thing, he is my inspiration especially with writing compositions---something I dislike before I um...discover him.

Now what is with this concert....I heard about it before. But it costs a whooping 50,000 yen---and that isn't the best seat yet! Tomoyo often watch concerts because---I almost forgot to mention, she is a singer too! Her voice could be compared with Iwao Junko, a famous young singer and seiyuu in the land! But take note: she never had watched a 'second-best' seat in concerts so...I think she spent more than 100,000 yen just to pay her 'birthday present' for me.

I do not really think that I needed a present from her. She give me little gifts like dresses and cakes almost everyday. Come to think of it those gifts aren't small at all.

I gaze at the picture of Li Xiao Lang again and blushed. I just can't believe it.

I am finally seeing him.

"Sakura!" Kaho-oneesan called. "Look outside! Look outside!"

"Look outside?" I repeated. I walked to my window and was amazed with what I saw. Millions of Cherry Blossoms flutter beautifully to the ground. Hiding all the unhappiness of the previous season. it is a sign of a new hope.

It seems spring comes a little earlier than I expected. Somehow, I love that feeling.

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**Author's Notes:** So that ends my prologue. Hehehe...I used the year 2000 calendar, in case you are wondering with the time calendar. I hope I didn't committed OOC this time...ack! I actually based Sakura's obsession with Li with my own obsession with a new local star named Mark Angelo Herras! Hehehe...he isn't a singer though! Filipinos knew him for sure. Hehehe...Xiao Lang up next on Chapter One: The Song of Night (er...that is its tentative title ^^).  
Now, I hope you please read and review! Flames is again, accepted too ^o^.

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	2. Chapter One: The Melody of the Night

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**I Should Have Known**  
**by:** Kinomoto Touya  
  
**Rating:** G - General Patronage **  
Disclaimer:** Sakura, Kaho, Tomoyo, Xiao Lang and the rest of the CCS gang is copyrighted by CLAMP. This is just a fanwork made by a fan for fans.  
**Author's Notes:** Thank you for the comments in the previous chapter. I really enjoyed reading them. This chapter is especially made for Syaoran (or Xiao Lang, the real romanji of his name). Angsty, yes...and...oops! I'll stop there ^_^. _Words in italic_, means it happens in the past. Except for the quote from Boys Be below. 

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_"Autumn.  
The falling leaves are said to be giving up their places for the new leaves of spring.   
Their passing may make us lonely. But there will always be new leaves in spring...   
The empty place in my heart probably has the same meaning."_

_-Kyoichi, Boys Be...  
_

**Chapter One: The Melody of the Night**

Japan.

I can't believe I am here, riding the limo to my concert.

It's been a long time isn't it? I thought that I, Li Xiao Lang, will never step a foot in this place. Every night, it lingers---the memories of her.

Memories, as they have said, could make you better or bitter. In my case, my memories only made me bitter. I really do not know how to deal with my own memories sometimes. I can feel it hitting my heart, killing me slowly yet surely and painfully.

But then, it is all my fault anyway.

Whenever I am alone, I can clearly hear it. The beautiful yet, at the same time, sad tunes of her songs. I play the piano sometimes, just to remember her more clearly. I know it is painful but deep inside, I always want to keep her alive in my heart---our happy memories together as well the the most sorrowful ones.

Yes, she is all I ever had. My little flower, _my Xiao-Huan_.

Xiao-Huan. Two years---it has been two years since we have parted nevertheless, you are still the person whom I love most. Unfortunately, you never knew about that.

_Her fragile fingers run gracefully upon the yellowish keys of the old grand piano owned by her grand father, a long, long time ago. Ever since she learned how to remember and keep her memories, she knew she wanted one thing: to learn how to play the piano. Her eyes were closed but the sound of the piano then becomes her eyes and her spirits from within. Her spirit then become one with the music. The power of imagination and the truth of reality becomes one at that very moment._

_"Xiao-Huan," a voice then called._

_She suddenly stopped obediently. "Grandfather," she said, smilingly. "What do you want?"_

_Her grandfather chuckled a little---a spark of youth still sparkle on his deep gray eyes even though his hair is already long and white and his skin is wrinkled and dark. It is quite odd that he is wearing a black tuxedo today with a red bow to complete his outfit---he usually in his silk Chinese suits. His long hair is still pony tailed neatly though._

_"Xiao-Huan," he started, beaming. "I want you to meet Li Xiao Lang." He stepped aside, revealing a little boy with dark brown eyes and chocolate dark brown hair. _

_"Li Xiao Lang?" she repeated as he looked closely upon the boy's eye---it seems that he have that gaze which seems to care not about the world however a trace of sadness can also be seen. His face is expressionless and he wasn't even smiling too._

_Xiao-Huan suddenly felt a little fear and a little pity on him. But she continued with a wide beam upon her face, "I am pleased to meet you. I am Chou Xiao-Huan, Chou Zhong Rong's grand daugther and um..." she then paused, seeing that Xiao Lang shows no interest on what she is saying. _

_"I am fourteen years old," she just added, without thinking._

_"I am Li Xiao Lang. I am eleven years old," to their surprise, Xiao Lang speaks---very fast though. "I am pleased to meet you."_

_Grandfather Zhong Rong chuckled again. "Hohoho...he is such a good boy, isn't he, Xiao-Huan?"_

_"Grandfather," Xiao-Huan started. "What brings the young boy here?"_

_"Oh, Xiao Lang's mother was a former student of mine in traditional Chinese music," Grandfather explained, patting on Xiao Lang's back. "Hohoho...remember Yu Yelan...she is her mother."_

_"Ah...the honorable Yu Yelan," Xiao Huan thought. "She is very good student of you indeed. She even helped me with playing the piano when I was four. I didn't know that she has such a cute son like you."_

_"Hohoho...she even have I think four or five other daughters older than Xiao Lang," he then scratched his neatly-tied hair thoughtfully. "They are...hohoho, I forgot all their names. I am really getting older and older with each passing day. Hohoho..."_

_"Xiao-Huan," Grandfather continued. "Xiao Lang would stay here for some time to learn piano from you."_

_Her bright smiled disappeared. _

_"Um...I do not know," she hesitated._

_"I am not good enough," she silently finished._

_"No," her grandfather disagrees. "I believe you can help him. You can share your talents to him."_

_"I really do not know." she proceeded. "But..."_

_"You can do it," Xiao Lang suddenly blurted out---he doesn't know why though. "I know I could learn a lot from you, Xiao-Huan-oneesan."_

_A faint smile curled upon her lips without her noticing it._

_"Domo arigatou gozaimasu, Li-san,"_

Xiao-Huan is three yeard older than me. Her gray eyes were always smiling. She always look so beautiful with those long dark grey hair. Indeed she is one of a kind.

Despite of the talents and the good total development of her being, she always have little self-confidence. Very little. Nevertheless, she tried her best to teach me---not only piano but the total beauty of life itself.

I stayed there since the beginning of summer until the end of it. Everything is indeed wonderful in there.

_"Xiao-kun," she asked once, while we were lying on the grass fields. "What is one thing you love most in this world?"_

_"I do not know..." I stupidly replied. "What is there to like? What do you like?"_

_"I like this moment," she then replied suddenly. "I hope this moment will never end. This is something I love most in this world."_

_"Me too," Xiao Lang's replied unconsciously._

_The wind blew gently upon the fields. Their feeling suddenly felt so light. They felt that they are in one with nature and the whole world was with them._

I still remember everything so clearly. As if everything happened a moment ago.

_But why did you die?_

"Li-san," the public relations man then said. "We are approaching the concert venue."

"Hai,"

Thousands of people were already outside---most are females. They are all waiting for me.

"Tomoyo-chan," I suddenly heard a voice of a girl outside, somehow, i wondered why her voice sounded so lucid despite the fact that more than a thousand people were talking. "He is here!"

I turned to see her---she is pretty. Her brown hair was tied neatly in a pretty white ribbon and she is in a cute pink skirt with a matching pink sailor-like uniform.

Suddenly, I turned and saw to whom she was talking too, you know the 'Tomoyo',---a girl about her age but...

I saw that face, clearly before.

That is Tomoyo girl is...

Xiao-Huan.

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**Author's Notes:** That ends Chapter One: The Melody of the Night. Hehehe...it is supposed to be titled, 'The Song of the Night', but...hahaha...there is no song. I messed up again.  
Hehehe...what do you think will happen after reading this chappie? This is still a Sakura and Syaoran fan fic, or is it ^_^?  
To Anjuliet, Mark Angelo Herras is one of the new stars in GMA-7. He is the winner of the show called Starstruck, which is based on an American reality-based show, American Idol (I think.). Hehehe...I am just sure of one thing, he is such a cute and talented guy!

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	3. Chapter Two: My Story

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|||** I Should Have Known **|||  
**by:** Kinomoto G - General Patronage **  
Disclaimer:** Sakura, Kaho, Tomoyo, Xiao Lang and the rest of the CCS gang is copyrighted by CLAMP. This is just a fanwork made by a fan for fans.  
**Author's Notes:** Again, thanks for the reviews ^_^. Sorry for 'lying' about Stars. I just wanted to write this story's next chapter. Hehehe...something deep inside of me tells that I must leave you a nifty cliff-hanger in Stars. Har! Har!  
Yes, I am evil. The prom dance practices made me evil. Wohohoho...on to the story! 

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_"The library has collected lots of books.   
No matter which book it is, each describes something  
Very beautiful which is impossible to see in the world.   
However, when you fall for someone, the reality itself   
Is more beautiful than the story."_

_-Kyoichi, Boys Be...  
_

**Chapter Two: My Story**

I am a reader. A very obsessed reader of stories. Stories that won't happen in reality.

But how I wish...it will. Really...especially to me who seemed to be not contented with life given to me. I tend to like it though but I something...something is missing.

Actually, when did I started reading rather have interest in reading? I do not remember much but when I was a little girl, when I still can't read anything, I just felt I've awaken one day searching for something beyond I have. And then that day, Kaho-oneesan told me a story about Aurora the 'Sleeping Beauty'.

_"...and then after a hundred years of sleeping," she paused, staring at young Sakura's eyes that is full of eagerness and innocence. "the Prince came and gave her the kiss of true love. The kiss the woke her up from her dreams. The kiss that fulfilled her heart...empty for one hundred and sixteen years. The whole kingdom then waken...everyone in the kingdom regained its life. Not long after..."_

_"What happened, Kaho-oneesan?" Sakura interrupted with a big smile on her face. "What happened?"_

_"We are getting there Sakura," she smiled, moving herself closer to the little one. She placed her arm on Sakura's shoulder and proceeded. "Princess Aurora and her gallant prince married each other and had a family of their own...yes, they lived happily ever after."_

_"Happily ever after?" Sakura scratched her head._

_"It means they were never sad ever since," Kaho explained carefully. "They never felt sorrow and pain in their hearts."_

_"Sorrow and pain," Sakura repeated dreamily, imagining a prince would really come for her. "Never again..."_

_"But of course," Kaho cut short Sakura's daydreaming. "That is just a story, a fairy tale, a fiction..."_

_"Fiction?"_

_"Written works that never happened," Kaho explained kindly. "Created from an author's imagination."_

_"If it isn't real," Sakura's smile vanished. "Then...why did someone wrote it? Why are people reading it? Is the imagination of the author important."_

_"Because," Kaho sighed. "In my opinion, reading fiction stories are made by authors to...um...show what else is beyond our world. What else is there to find. Fictional stories also shows us good traits that young girl like you can follow. Also, in those stories our inner most dream will come true especially in fairy tales..."_

_Kaho stopped looking at Sakura's confused expression. She chuckled a bit at the child's expression._

_"What is funny, Kaho-oneesan?" Sakura questioned._

_"Oh, why am I telling this to you?" she breathed heavily then smiled. "You are just five years old and you cannot probably understand this."_

_Sakura ignored what she have said and inquired, "Can...can fairy tales..." she whispered. "Can it come true...?"_

_"Oh, you ask to much questions," she gasped. She got up from Sakura's bed and walked to the door. "But now...light's off! Sleep well, Sakura." she grinned and turned off the lights._

_The sound of the closed door followed._

_"It will," Sakura whispered to herself. "I know it will. My prince would come and we will live happily ever after. But...I'll bring Kaho-oneesan with me so the three of us shall be happy together."_

_"Happily ever after."_

Yes, probably that is it. I strived hard with my hiragana, katakana and worst of all...kanji! I know my alphabet in English though, but I am still having a hard time reading it. Whatever. 

If I do not need to practice with my batons in cheerleading club, I often go to the library and read some books. Queens, dragons, swordfight and blood...

Do you get the picture?

I wanted to have my own story. No, I do not mean written ones. But the true story of my own true love.

Corny, you may say. Nevertheless, I know you yearn for that too.

**_But I do not ask for my first love story to go on like this!_**

Tomoyo and I were already outside the concert area. Thousands of people were already outside. I think three-fourths are girly girls screaming, one-eighth are males (boys won't probably go gaga over a twelve year old, or maybe they could be but are just to ashamed to admit it) and another one eighth for girls like me and Tomoyo---quiet and reserved but still very eager to see him rock.

Finally, we saw him in his uber-cool bottle green limo---very suave, spotless and glistening. His car is just about like him.

Or is it?

For a second I saw him in his car wearing a dark, sexy tuxedo completed with his black tie on the neck. I mean in my mind, I went, "Wow---this is it! I finally saw my idol! I could have died and had gone to heaven!" However, after that I thought that what I just said is wrong. In his music videos, interviews and album he is always glowing with happiness and he seemed to portray a child-like innocence as well.

But no.

It can't be him for even in that one second of seeing him...he was scowling, his brown eyes are deep and seemed not to care about the world. He wasn't smiling either for his lips are curled into a 'scowl'. Of course, with that his glow of happiness isn't there either. My heart then beat since I could only feel his emptiness and gloomy.

Really empty and gloomy.

Thousands of his fans just cheered, even the members of the male specimens. I just erased that thought from my mind, thinking that it was nothing but my imagination.

Truly, I hope that it was just my imagination so I called happily, "Tomoyo-chan, he is here!"

Can't remember much the net scenes except that my pop idol, Li Xiao Lang, pushed the door of his bottle-green limo and ran to me and Tomoyo. He looked at as back and forth quickly as his security and thousands of people mixed together at the sight of him.

"XIAO HUAN!" he shouted, amidst the crowd. "Come with me!"

Tomoyo and I shrugged and went, "Eh?" Just who is this man talking to? I mean I am Sakura and Tomoyo is Tomoyo. He was just looking at the both of us.

He exhaled and pulled Tomoyo's hand amidst the crowd. A member of Li's security is fast approaching to grab his master from my friend's hand. I speed up to that sneaky man and pulled Xiao Lang's hand. The three of us are being trailed with hundreds of men in just three seconds.

I do not know why I am doing this. I am just totally---um, totally insane! As if I wanted to go out of here with my friend and I, I wanted to help my idol from his emptiness. Hey, now that I am talking about it, that is exactly what I am doing a few moments ago.

In one small corner, I just pulled them there and hid in the dark. It takes a while for me to check if the coast is clear. I waited patiently for all the noise of the crowd to disappear.

"I think it is okay now," I said. "Um...Li-san please remove your coat. We might be recognized with that. And your tie too, please."

I do not exactly knew if he followed my instruction. Heck, I do not know if he can speak in Japanese.

Pulling him from the dark, I just realized that...**_Yes_**, he did removed his coat and another big **_yes_** for the removal of his silky black tie.

However there is something missing!

**_TOMOYO IS MISSING!_**

"Hoeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" I screamed. "Where is Tomoyo-chan?"

"Hoe?" he repeated scowling still.

"Eh...how am I going to explain 'hoe'?" I said, wondering. "Um...it is just my expression when I get to much in my feelings---whether I am happy, sad, angry, anxious..."

He stared like me like I am a total idiot.

"Oh sorry," I apologized, kind of afraid with his expression. "C-can you...understand me?"

He nodded. He was still scowling but at least he understands me.

"Wonderful to hear that," I gave him my fake smile. "But did you see Tomoyo, you know...the girl with long hair...the one you pulled out of the crowd minutes ago."

"Xiao Huan?" he asked.

"No," I gasped. "Her name is not Xiao Huan, her name is Daidoji Tomoyo. She is my best friend."

"Not Xiao Huan?" he again asked, reassuringly.

"Yes, she is not 'Xiao Huan'?"

"Are you sure?" the look on his face silently draws that if I am lying, I'll be automatically dead.

"Yes, I am." I smiled nervously. "But where is she?"

"Her hands slipped in the crowds?" he answered. "I dunno..."

"WHAT?!"

"How old is she?" he asked, ignoring my question.

"Twelve," I answered, hoping that she'll be safe. "She'll be thirteen in September, though."

"Thirteen?" he asked once again. "Not fifteen?"

"No...I am older than her," I replied. "My birthday is tomorrow."

"Happy Birthday," he coldly said.

"Thank you," I gave him my deepest gratitude, bowing. "But now...we have to find Tomoyo-chan."

"She is really dead," he unconsciously whispered.

'Who is dead?"

"You will be," he retorted, still scowling. "If you won't show me around here,"

He smiled. I finally saw him smiling for real.

"Li-san," I said happily. "I hope you will always be like that."

"Like what?"

"I hope that you will always smile." I gave him a warm smile as well.

"Well...um," his cheeks turned red. God, he was very cute!

"Then I'll show you my favorite spot in Tokyo." 

I decided to take him to the top of our apartment. I can see the whole Tokyo from there. Glad, that no one recognized him. I mean, with those black slacks and white polo button-down shirt he looks just like an ordinary Japanese school boy.

Or probably an ordinary Japanese waiter. Hehe...just kidding.

"Everything here...seems so beautiful..." he gasped.

"That is why I love this place," I explained. "No problems, no pain and I feel so much in ease here."

Suddenly, the wind blew hard. It is spring, but the wind is icy.

Just like winter.

"You feel cold, don't you?" he wrapped me in his arms from behind. It was indeed a surprise, plus his arms are warm. "Don't worry. Wait, what is your name?"

"Kinomoto Sakura," I answered, also blushing. This is better than winning a 'date Li Xiao Lang'.

"Thank you," I added, blushing even more.

No, I was wrong saying that _I do not ask for my first love story to go on like this_ because, this is **_everything that I wanted_**.

That is...if he does love me.

But I, myself isn't sure with my feelings. Come to think of it, I am only twelve and I just met him now.

Cliché as it sounds but...

Who knows?

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**Author's Notes: **Hehe...what a fun chapter to write. I really, really love this one. Just never been to Tokyo so there may be a little or big errors in it. Bear with me, I never even been away from the island of Luzon, Philippines! But now, it seems that five chapter isn't enough for this one. So...watch out!

Please again, review (or constructively flame). You've come a long way reading this ^_^....

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	4. Chapter Four: The Way to Loneliness

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|||** I Should Have Known **|||  
**by:** Kinomoto Touya  
  
**Rating:** G - General Patronage **  
Disclaimer:** Again...I do not own Card Captor Sakura, they are owned by CLAMP. All rights reserved.  
**Author's Notes:** Ehehehehe...thanks again for the reviews. Glad that at least someone in this world read my stories. About 'Stars'...I already came up with a perfect ending...just wait and see. I am sure you've noticed that my quotes all came from Boys Be. Well...they are nice, my inspiration for my stories ^_^. 

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_"I'm used to the sound of the clock.   
It's like a freezing wind, relentless and chilling.   
When I lie in bed, I'm unable to go to sleep.   
Out of nowhere, I'll have this feeling.   
I want to cry... It is despair...   
That feeling of helplessness, of sadness.   
The black hole in the depths of my heart.   
I heard that it can be defined as loneliness.   
It is here."_

_-Kyoichi, Boys Be...  
_

**Chapter Three: The Way to Loneliness**

And I thought, everything would be fine.

_But no! How I hate myself._

I wonder if ever reverse time. The time wherein Tomoyo was about to give me the tickets. The time when I was so thrilled to death because I could finally see Li Xiao Lang. I want to reverse everything that happened for I want to turn back her present. Because if I didn't accept her present then I shouldn't have met him. My life wouldn't change like this and I wouldn't feel this way.

Whew! I do not know what to say first. My heart is overflowing with feelings. I just want to burst just about right now. I didn't think that I'd feel hardship within me. Look at me, I am twelve...very young and very naive. A normal student. A simple girl with endless dreams.

Yet now...look at me, I am such in a big dilemma.

When Li Xiao Lang placed me in his heart, I felt warm. A familiar feeling then overpowered me. I felt---accepted. It is not that Kaho-oneesan didn't accept me as a part of the family. She loves me like her own sister and like her daughter, if she have one. But the acceptance I felt is different. In fact, it cannot be explained. However, in his presence, infinite happiness.

In television dramas and novels or shoujo romantic mangas I've watched and read, people who portrayed to feel that way said that they feel _love_. I used to believe in them before but they are just acting and fiction stories cannot be trusted because some authors themselves never felt love as well. I know since people like Yuu Watase, prolific writer and author of romantic mangas like Fushigi Yuugi and Ayashi no Ceres is still single yet her stories were about infinite love that could pass dimensions of time and space.

Or how about CLAMP? They are very good shoujo manga artists, too. But if they are all female, how come they know what 'yaoi' is?

Now that I've thought about it, can real love be just imagined and not felt?

Hahaha...now that is hard.

What is the real thing that happened to me? I am so sorry with lots of 'irrelevant' things happening in my head. I mean that is human.

Well, um...it happens like this. He held me tight behind me then he released me after a while (maybe he is already tired with my back, I could only guess) then stared at my eyes---deeply.

After that he whispered something...I didn't understand what did he said but he placed my hands around his neck and he placed his hand on my hips. And we kind of slow danced under the pale moon hiding behind the night's dark clouds. There is no music, but the soft night spring breeze murmured a beautiful love song only lovers can hear...okay, my imagination is a little wild that moment nevertheless...

God, that was ssssssoooooooo romantic...better than any films the world had ever scene!!!

But...I only thought that it was romantic, in fact it is not! Not! Not! Not!

Behind my ear he softly said, "Xiao Huan, you are here again..."

Simple six worded sentence ruined me---my entire moment, my entire life!!! My heart then felt that it is being pinned by thousands of rusted nails---worst than being crucified.

Everything was like, 'Oh my Lord, I wanted to cry!!!'. Call me stupid or what but I just replied gently, "No, Xiao Huan isn't here. But for sure she is watching you in the most beautiful place beyond human's imagination. You---you will meet her again someday..."

Every word released in my mouth is the truth but that is not what I really wanted to say. It hurts a lot when you want to say something but feel that you cannot possibly say because...um, simply because...

You don't have any reason but you feel it is the wrong thing to do.

Okay, that sucks a bit but that is the only reason to explain this.

Stand in my place and just imagine this scene: Here you are slow-dancing with the man---um...boy you are falling in love with then suddenly in your 'fairy tale' moment, she mentioned a name of a girl and that name isn't yours. Then suddenly you will feel lonely and cold and even helpless despite the fact that the person is still there in your arms. What the heck will you do?

Whoever this Xiao Huan must be truly lucky, having a boy like Li Xiao Lang falling for her, I mean. May she rest in peace in heaven where I guess, even though I never even met her, she belongs.

The door of the school's roof then bursted opened.

"SAKURA-CHAN!" a dread cry I then heard. "I knew I could find you here again. You must--"

It is Kaho-oneesan! She then saw me with Xiao Lang slow dancing and all!

I pushed Xiao Lang away and clarified (blushing, I tried my best to hide my blush though), "No! It is not what you think, Kaho-oneesan! I can explain everything! In full details if you want. I promise I didn't---"

"There is not time to explain---" she snapped. 

Mischievously she added, "There is no need to explain Sakura, I've already understood everything."

I really tried my best but my cheeks just went red. Okay, so I've been caught red handed however when I looked at Xiao Lang he seemed to be blushing too. I think, or maybe it is just my short and weird brain wave.

"It's not what you think---" I defended myself but then she cut my explanation short.

"Okay, okay...I am just kidding," she was lying---I could see it in her playful eyes. She continued, "We need to leave Tokyo immediately!"

"WHA-AT?" I stood there in shock.

"Just about everyone is looking for that boy," she gave Xiao Lang a look. "Um...can he speak in Japanese?"

"I can," he simply replied.

"Good," she gave him a sweet smile. "Now let us go. Leave him."

"But what is happening?" I asked. Everything had gotten so wrong.

"We are being wanted by the Tokyo and Hong Kong police," she hurriedly told us. "For 'kidnapping' that boy."

"'Kidnapping?'" Xiao Lang and I chorused. "What kidnapping?"

"Kidnapping Xiao Lang," she replied impatienty.

"But I didn't kidnapped him," I desperately said. "He is the one who took me away..."

"By mistake," he added.

"Of course I know," Kaho said, seemed a little enlightened. "But the news as well as some people exaggerated it. The latest banner headline in NHK news is: 'Hong Kong pop idol, kidnapped by a twelve-year old fan!' For God's sake, I know Sakura couldn't have done it."

So I was just a mistake. And what..._I am kidnapping someone at this early age?_ I felt more terrible than ever but I didn't speak a word.

"Then you must return, Li Xiao Lang," Kaho-oneesan begged in her knees. "Sakura's as well as mine's wouldn't be turned to normal. Please! Explain everything that happened."

"I will," he bowed his head. "I'll explain it in national television if you want." he turned his eyes to me, "I am so sorry, Kinomoto-san for causing you all his trouble."

"Uh..."

What on earth would I say? I mean, what is still there to say?

Suddenly lights, cameras, facts-hungry media people as well as a flock of policemen then all bursted out of the door. We are now found! I do not care how did they do it but we are found!!!

I jerked back, I have never been surrounded by so many people. And especially cameras. Same goes with the policemen. Kaho-oneesan also jerked back. We are both neophytes in everything insane happening now.

in spite of this, Li Xiao Lang walked---proudly and very bravely.

_Really, what a man he is._

"Silence," he commanded with a very strong voice. Then everyone followed him; all eyes and ears were also given to him.

"This girl," he placed his arm on my shoulders and gently pulled me in front for all the people (and cameras) to see. "Didn't do anything to me. I took her."

Questions then formed and blasted upon the media people's mouth.

_"Why did you took her?"  
"Is that true that she is your long lost Japanese girlfriend?"  
"Did you do something to her?"  
"Did she do something to you?"  
"Are you two engaged already?"  
"Why, how come?"_

...at least those were the questions I have heard. At least a thousand more were then questioned. Ooooooh...this are literally driving me crazy. And engaged? I am only twelve---that is not even legal to have a student's driver license...

So this is the world he is living, struggling in. Before, I dreamt to be a famous sportswoman or maybe a famous writer, but now...

Thanks be to the Lord, I am not born famous. Luckily, I am just some face in the road but at least I am happy. i am free. I can do whatever I want in this world without anyone asking me why.

"It is not what you think," he said. Hearing his voice, the journalists and police then became quiet. What a miracle worker, he is.

"I..." he started with a tone of hesitation. "I have a reason, but...but I do not think I have to tell you about it. I have a personal life you know."

He turned into me, his eyes sparkled with some sort of loneliness. He held my hand and whispered, "Sakura, thank you. You are my only friend in this world and even if we were together for a short period of time, you made me very happy."

Oh, I could hear blood rushing into my ears. This is farewell.

"Now, don't look sad," I fakingly smiled as a big vein in my heart twist. "This is not like the end of everything, Xiao Lang," I reached a paper in my pocket. In that paper, I wrote my poem for him. I am supposing I could at least give him this poem. Of course, who would expect that my night would end up like this.

"Here," I handed him my poem in his left hand then I curled his hand into a fist. "Not much but..."

"Thank you," he smiled, his face broke into a joyous, true smile.

"Master Li...we better be going," an old yet kind-looking man in tuxedo said.

"I better go," Xiao Lang murmured. He look upon the rest of the crowd. "Please, do not disturb and ask her anything."

He walked with the man, as the media, the police and the lights disappeared slowly in the darkness with him. I was left all alone with Kaho-oneesan who held my hand tightly.

I felt so empty. Like a big part of me was taken away. My dream is not over.

Goodbye, Xiao Lang.

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**Find Me  
**Amidst the lights and your glory,  
Amidst all everyone who look upon you,  
Amidst the happy and the sad story,  
Amidst there, you will find me.

I barely exists in you.  
You do not even know me,  
I, myself do not know you.  
But somewhere behind, I exists,  
Hoping that you will find me.

In your songs, I am its soul,  
In your room, I am its wall.  
Is it too much to ask,  
While you are at the end of the world,  
I am at heaven's start.  
Is it too much to ask...  
Find me, find me, amidst your heart.

_Hi, Li Xiao Lang,_

_My name is Kinomoto Sakura. I am twelve (and about to be thirteen soon!) and I've been a fan of yours since i first heard your song, 'Summer Day is Raining'. I think you are such a good person inside although I do not really know you personally. Anyway, it is enough for me for you to have read this paper. I am greatly honored._

_Bye!  
Sakura_

I finished reading Sakura's poem and letter for me while the concert heads and my managers are planning for my concert again (according to them, it would be tomorrow, I am not that sure.). Of course, I won't run away from it again, unless there is again a Kinomoto Sakura who would be standing there outside my concert, waiting for me to come...

How I wish, that would really happen.

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**Author's Notes:** Yippee! I finished a chapter in the middle of my final exams. I am so happy because I find my finals in Trigonometry easy (more or less, the rest of my subjects isn't bad either. I am not sure with Mathematics, though.). This chapter isn't just about Sakura and Xiao Lang but about my random thoughts about love as well. Yeah, I am quite annoying in thoughts, basing above.  
Now that you are here, please do review. I really, really love reading your reviews/comments. It can really help me in writing.

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